Can gravitas be cultivated?

Gravitas isn’t just for elder statesmen.

Is gravitas something you're born with? Some personalities do have natural advantages. But it can also be learned, and it's important for Chiefs of Staff who need to influence without formal authority and communicate at the highest levels. As is likeability, and it's not a false choice – you can exude both.

What gravitas actually means

Gravitas isn't about being stern or humourless. It's the quality that makes people take you seriously before you've even spoken. It's the combination of presence, credibility, and composure that signals you can handle significant responsibility.

For Chiefs of Staff, gravitas manifests as the ability to walk into a boardroom and command respect, to deliver difficult news without drama, and to remain calm when everyone else is losing their heads. It's what allows you to speak truth to power and have your principal actually listen.

The natural advantage myth

While some people do seem naturally suited to gravitas – those who are naturally reflective, speak deliberately, or have imposing physical presence – it's largely a learned skill.

The key insight is that gravitas comes from competence demonstrated over time, not from trying to appear serious. People sense authenticity, and forced gravitas often backfires spectacularly.

Why Chiefs of Staff need gravitas

The Chief of Staff role requires you to influence without formal authority across all levels of an organisation. You might need to redirect a senior executive who's going off-strategy, challenge a board member's assumptions, or coordinate between departments with competing priorities.

Without gravitas, these conversations become exponentially harder. People question whether you have the standing to make certain requests or whether your principal truly backs your decisions. With gravitas, doors open and resistance diminishes.

Gravitas also helps when you're the bearer of difficult news. Chiefs of Staff often need to communicate sensitive information, from redundancy plans to strategic pivots. How you deliver these messages can determine whether people panic or trust the leadership team's judgment.

Building gravitas as a skill

Gravitas develops through several key practices:

Preparation becomes your foundation. The most respected Chiefs of Staff are impeccably prepared for every interaction. They've done their homework, anticipated questions, and thought through implications. This preparation shows in how they speak and respond to challenges.

Composure under pressure. Gravitas is most visible when stakes are high. Practice staying calm in difficult situations. This might mean taking a pause before responding to heated emails, maintaining steady body language during tense meetings, or speaking more slowly when others are rushing.

Thoughtful communication. People with gravitas choose their words carefully. They don't feel compelled to fill every silence or respond immediately to every point. They ask probing questions rather than making quick judgments.

Consistent follow-through. Gravitas is built on reliability. When you say something will happen, it happens. When you commit to a deadline, you meet it. This consistency over time creates the foundation for people to take you seriously.

The likeability factor

But gravitas without likeability creates a different problem. Chiefs of Staff who are respected but not liked often find themselves excluded from informal conversations where real decisions get made. They might be technically competent but struggle to build the relationships that make the role truly effective.

Likeability in professional contexts isn't about being everyone's friend. It's about being someone people enjoy working with, trust with sensitive information, and want to help succeed. It's the quality that turns formal working relationships into partnerships.

For Chiefs of Staff, likeability opens doors that formal authority cannot. It's what makes people willing to share the unvarnished truth about what's really happening in their departments. It's what encourages your principal to bounce ideas off you rather than just giving you tasks to execute.

The false choice fallacy

Many professionals believe they must choose between being respected and being liked. This creates artificial constraints on behaviour and often leads to overcompensating in one direction.

The most effective Chiefs of Staff demonstrate that gravitas and likeability are complementary rather than competing qualities. They're serious about their work while remaining approachable as people. They can deliver tough messages with empathy and hold people accountable while maintaining relationships.

Research from executive search firm Russell Reynolds Associates shows that the most successful senior executives consistently score high on both "results orientation" (closely related to gravitas) and "relationship building" (closely aligned with likeability).

Practical strategies for combining both

Lead with curiosity, not judgment. When addressing problems, start by trying to understand the situation rather than immediately proposing solutions. This approach demonstrates both analytical rigour and interpersonal sensitivity.

Master the art of firm kindness. You can hold people to high standards while being genuinely supportive of their success. Frame difficult conversations around shared goals rather than personal failings.

Show your working. When making decisions or recommendations, explain your reasoning process. This demonstrates competence while helping others understand and buy into your approach.

Invest in relationships during good times. Don't wait until you need something to build connections with colleagues. Regular check-ins and genuine interest in others' work creates goodwill that proves invaluable during challenging projects.

Be generous with credit and careful with criticism. Acknowledge others' contributions publicly and address concerns privately. This builds loyalty while maintaining standards.

Common pitfalls to avoid

Over-indexing on gravitas can make you seem aloof or intimidating. If people seem hesitant to approach you or if you're not included in informal conversations, you might need to soften your approach.

Over-indexing on likeability can undermine your ability to make tough decisions or deliver difficult messages. If people seem to view you more as a peer than as someone with authority, you might need to strengthen your gravitas.

Inconsistency between the two confuses people and erodes trust. If you're formal in meetings but casual in corridors, or friendly with some colleagues but distant with others, people won't know which version of you to expect.

The long-term career impact

Chiefs of Staff who master both gravitas and likeability set themselves up for success in whatever role comes next. Whether moving to a CEO position, joining a board, or starting their own venture, they've developed the interpersonal skills that make senior leadership sustainable.

The combination also makes you more effective in your current role. Principals who trust both your judgment and your relationship skills will involve you in more strategic decisions and rely on you for more complex challenges.

Developing gravitas and likeability takes time and practice. Consider seeking feedback from trusted colleagues about how others perceive you, and experiment with small adjustments to your communication style and approach to relationships.

It’s a common topic for current and aspiring Chiefs of Staff that I work with. Check out Chiefly’s coaching programmes by clicking below.