Chief of Self
Knowing yourself transforms your effectiveness.
Great Chiefs of Staff are exceptionally self-aware. This isn't a soft skill that's nice to have – it's the foundation that enables everything else you do in the role.
Beyond checking your ego
To focus on your principal and the mission, you need to get out of your own way. It's way beyond "checking your ego" – it's about managing your reactions to challenges, knowing what winds you up and preparing for it, and understanding why you struggle with certain things.
Self-awareness in the Chief of Staff role means recognising your emotional triggers before they derail important conversations. It means understanding your natural communication style and adapting it to what your principal needs in any given moment. Most importantly, it means knowing when your personal preferences might conflict with what's best for the organisation.
This level of introspection requires honest assessment of your strengths and blind spots. Many Chiefs of Staff excel at analysing external situations but struggle to turn that same analytical lens inward. The role demands both skills equally.
The energy equation
Self-awareness saves energy. For example, if you know that you tend to feel defensive about something, you can plan for how to react (or not react) next time said situation arises. You just notice it, and then re-orient towards your next high-impact move.
Consider the Chief of Staff who knows they become frustrated when meetings run over time. Rather than letting that frustration build and potentially snap at colleagues, they can prepare by building buffer time into their schedule or developing polite but firm ways to redirect conversations back on track.
Energy management becomes crucial when you're supporting a high-performing principal who operates at intense pace. Every emotional reaction that catches you off guard drains energy that could be directed towards strategic priorities. Self-aware Chiefs of Staff develop what psychologists call "emotional granularity" – the ability to identify and name specific emotions rather than just feeling generally overwhelmed or stressed.
The paradox of being less self-centred
Self-awareness actually allows you to be less self-centred. When you can adeptly regulate your feelings and reactions, you can re-focus on what needs to be done (without invalidating yourself by just shoving uncomfortable thoughts down).
This creates a virtuous cycle. The more you understand your own patterns and triggers, the less mental bandwidth you spend on internal drama. That freed-up capacity can be directed towards anticipating your principal's needs, identifying organisational bottlenecks, or developing solutions to complex challenges.
Self-aware Chiefs of Staff become skilled at separating their personal reactions from professional requirements. They might personally dislike confrontation but recognise that their principal needs them to have difficult conversations with stakeholders. By acknowledging their discomfort without being controlled by it, they can develop strategies to handle these situations effectively.
Research from Harvard Business School shows that leaders who practice self-awareness create more psychological safety in their teams. For Chiefs of Staff, this translates to more honest feedback from colleagues, better information flow, and stronger working relationships across the organisation.
Building leadership capability
Self-awareness makes you a better leader – of yourself, and for your principal, and in whatever leadership position you move into next.
The Chief of Staff role is often a stepping stone to senior executive positions. The self-awareness skills you develop while supporting a principal become invaluable when you're the one making final decisions. You'll already understand how your decision-making style affects others, how you respond under pressure, and what support systems you need to perform at your best.
Many successful CEOs and senior executives trace their leadership development back to their time as Chiefs of Staff. The role provides a unique vantage point to observe leadership in action while practising it yourself. Self-aware Chiefs of Staff make the most of this learning opportunity.
Practical self-awareness for Chiefs of Staff
Developing self-awareness isn't about endless navel-gazing. It's about building practical skills that improve your performance:
Start with honest feedback collection. Ask your principal, colleagues, and direct reports for specific examples of when you've been most and least effective. Look for patterns in their responses.
Keep a brief daily reflection log. Note moments when you felt triggered, energised, or particularly effective. Over time, patterns will emerge that help you predict and prepare for similar situations.
Invest in formal assessment tools like the CliftonStrengths, or Emotional Intelligence assessments. These provide vocabulary and frameworks for understanding your patterns.
The responsibility factor
Self-awareness is the antidote to self-absorption. Taking time to understand yourself isn't indulgent; it's responsible.
In the Chief of Staff role, your emotional state and reactions ripple through the organisation. When you're reactive or defensive, it affects your principal's effectiveness and your team's morale. When you're centred and self-aware, you create stability that allows others to do their best work.
The most effective Chiefs of Staff understand that personal development and professional effectiveness are inseparable. They invest in therapy, coaching, or other development practices not as luxury add-ons, but as essential tools for role success.
This responsibility extends to modelling self-awareness for others in the organisation. Chiefs of Staff who openly discuss their learning edges and development areas create permission for others to do the same, fostering a culture of continuous improvement.
Ready to develop your self-awareness as a Chief of Staff? Consider working with an executive coach who understands the unique demands of the role, or joining a peer network where you can safely explore challenges with others in similar positions. You can read more about Chiefly coaching and advisory programmes here.
